"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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