The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
