Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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