i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
