I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
