I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
