oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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