took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
