There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
