shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
