maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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