you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
