he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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