tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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