my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
