Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
