i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize