There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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