yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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