I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
