Screwed.edu
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize