we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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