im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
