if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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