Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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