I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
