I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
