Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
