i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i came on her dog
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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