I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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