My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
