guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
