i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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