The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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