You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
