dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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