the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
