in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the day after is always just damage control
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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