Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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