I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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