I think my fart just growled at me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
