I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
