Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
