so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she looked like the before picture.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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