Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
