your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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