I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
