Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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