My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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