i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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