Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
