I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize