he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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