It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
