But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
