Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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