i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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