I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
