He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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