you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
