I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
