Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No subtext here. People are naked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
