Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
