5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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