sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Welp...herpes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
