so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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