I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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