I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
