32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
