she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
