Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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