I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
