I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
