I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
last night I used snow as a chaser
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
