I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
wanna go halves on a baby?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
