At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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