i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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