Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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