Don't you send me to vm
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
