Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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