She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
