I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
