why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
