Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
