I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
