dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
