how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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