1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
