Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ugly people sure do ruin things
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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