Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
