Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
