I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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