I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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