Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
