I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
